“You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with most.”
The single most important choice we make on a daily basis is who we choose to surround ourselves with.
We are easily influenced by our environment as a species, and the environment we choose to put ourselves in has a large impact on how we think, act and speak. We may not think we are easily influenced by those around us, that we have a resilience to conformity or that we have a strong sense of self. These could be all very well be true, but there is no doubt that our environment is having an impact on how we act; even if it is a slow process. Whether it be altering our standards of success, shifting our priorities, changing the way we speak, causing us to take part in things our friends are doing, or anything else that fits in to our day to day lives.
This change can be positive, however it is clear that there is a lot of danger associated with our environment.
One of two things generally happens when we start spending time with someone who has different values than us, varying priorities or a differently defined standard of success. Either we will slowly shift our values, priorities and standards to their level, or they will shift theirs to our level. It is very important to be aware of this fact, because if you are not, you are likely to be the one doing the shifting, especially when it is in a negative direction. If we start spending time with people who do not value the same things we do, we might start to fall into some of their habits, often without noticing. It can start with one night of hanging out with them and you just end up doing whatever they choose to do, like just sitting with friends and watching a movie (don’t get me wrong, movie nights are very necessary sometimes, but when used in excess, they lose their value and become more of an expectation and time-passer than a stress reliever. Watch for when that line between occasion and expectation gets blurry with a new habit). We can start to take part in these activities, and don’t realize that these new habits may be replacing our old ones and we are slowly shifting our priorities without even knowing it.
The point of this is, when you surround yourself with people who you look up to, who you admire and who push you to be forward moving, successful, and an overall better person, you will watch your life shift in the right direction. Conversely, if you start hanging out with people who just don’t care as much as you do about your priorities, have lower standards of success, and choose to spend their time doing unproductive things which do not add value to their life, it is easy to watch yourself adopt some of those beliefs and actions yourself. We must be conscious of who we surround ourselves with. We cannot underestimate how susceptible we are to adaptation in the environment we are in, especially one where it seems that everyone is taking part in something. That is why we must be certain of our own values and know exactly what we care about and why. Why do you want to do well in school? Why do you feel the needs to take care of your body and exercise? Why do you make an effort to build relationships with people?
If you can answer these kinds of questions, it will make it a lot easier for you to stick to them when your environment is pushing you to ignore them. Caring about school is necessary because we are lucky to be getting an education while many do not have that opportunity, and working hard now will set us up for an easier path down the road. Health is important because the foundation of everything we do stems from how we take care of ourselves. If we are not looking after our mental or physical health, everything we do is going to suffer. Building connections is valuable because it allows us to learn from others and find new ways to add value to our lives and theirs, creating a net positive impact for everyone involved.
I am extremely grateful for the people I surround myself with, because I truly feel that all of my friends add value to my life in some way. So much comes from each relationship, and I can confidently say there is something in everyone I surround myself with which I look up to and admire. That is what I focus on. It makes us gravitate to people more, and focusing on the good in people amplifies their positive qualities which often causes the negative ones to fade away.
Everyone has something to offer you, and vice versa! Share what you have with others, and watch them open up and do the same. If you see something in someone else that inspires you to be better, work to adopt that value, priority or standard and integrate it into your life! Make it an active decision to change your priorities. Do not let it happen passively; that is when it becomes dangerous and generally has a negative impact.
I think that the best way to avoid conformity is to write out a few of our own core values, and why they matter to us. It is important to remind ourselves of what we actually care about to avoid becoming a victim to the pressures of our environment. Hanging out with the right people eliminates the concern for negative changes passively seeping into our lives, while hanging out with the wrong people can cause our values to fade and our priorities to slip if we are not careful. It is pretty simple. Being aware of who you are and why makes resisting negative change much easier.
Additionally, our quality of life is just better when we are hanging out with people that bring out the good in us. Look for these people. When you find them, make an effort to strengthen your relationships with them and let them know you appreciate them. Everyone is a better person when they feel appreciated, and while offering that can take only seconds out of your day, it provides invaluable happiness and gratification to theirs. So easy, so impactful.
“Be good to those in your life, and it will come back to you.”
← podcasts