What we miss by trying to be perfect
If you are a young adult or teenager in the 21st century, surrounded by social media, advertising, television shows, movies and an array of external factors constantly being thrown at you to remind you what you should be, you probably feel some sort of pressure to be perfect. To look the best, feel the best, do the best, be the best.
What I have come to realize recently is that the acceptance of our imperfections and mistakes is truly the most beautiful and transformative way to grow. It sounds slightly counterintuitive, because our natural tendency is to fight our weaknesses, wrestle with our imperfections, and correct our mistakes. However, this fighting, wrestling and correcting drives these seemingly negative qualities and actions deeper into our subconscious thoughts, causing us more pain than relief and completely defeating the purpose of trying to fix them. One analogy a friend shared with me recently which I love, is that
The mind is like water
Thoughts come and go, and you just have to let them ripple through and dissipate. Instead of holding onto thoughts and fighting against them as they come, or getting all caught up in recounting something that happened, the best thing you can do is just let the thought pass through. Just let it pass. Take a breath, and proceed with your life.
The harder we try to be perfect and do everything right, the more we see how we are not doing so, and our weaknesses and flaws will appear to dominate the good qualities we are paying no attention to. When we focus on the negative aspects of ourselves, we lose our confidence and confidence is absolutely vital in living up to our full potential, connecting with people and becoming better at whatever we are doing. Without confidence, we won’t be willing to try things, take advantage of opportunities and live in accordance with what we want. And who wants to be living under the weight of a lack of confidence stifling their ability to grow?
“The thing that is really amazing is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of being yourself.”
I know I know, the quote sounds pretty cliché and you may have heard some form of it before but it’s worth reading again, as I found it sheds light on precisely the issue I’m trying to illuminate.
We are constantly striving for perfection in every aspect of life, even if it is subconscious, and it can create a toxic environment. It causes negative thoughts, an underlying competitive spirit to many of our pursuits and ultimately a restrictive lifestyle where we never fully let ourselves be vulnerable and open because we are scared some of our imperfections or weaknesses might show. But those imperfections are so key in making us who we are and they are also probably some of the things that make people gravitate to us most.
Ultimately, if you truly are perfect, you won’t achieve the same degree of connection with people because no one will be able to relate to you. You would be this glorified being that everyone would look up to but no one would feel they could quite understand and be vulnerable with because that lack of flaws removes the most important common ground for human connection. Everyone is dealing with their own battles and sometimes just finding a way to open up to someone and letting them see how you too are struggling with something can be the most effective way to create a genuine connection.
That sense of relatability is why it is so valuable to make our flaws visible and to let our weaknesses breathe. The more we try to suffocate the things that don’t seem perfect to us, the larger they will become to both us and others. We all know how obvious it is when someone is going far out of their way to hide their own insecurities. All it does is make their insecurities stand out more, and paradoxically, suffocates the good qualities they are neglecting.
Let your flaws be known
They will not cause people to shy away from you or tarnish your image. In fact, it will likely enhance the way people see you, because having flaws is what makes us human, and humans relate to other humans. That human connection is so key and sometimes the best way to achieve it is to just be one!
Be natural and don’t go so far out of your way to seem perfect, because you are only going to achieve the opposite. Take that energy and put it into something else like growing your strengths and building your confidence by doing what makes you feel the best. My advice: Just embrace all parts of you and learn to see that the things that might seem negative to you are truly important in shaping your character.
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