Cleaning up your mind
There have been times where I felt lost, confused, unsure of what was “wrong”, only really feeling certain of one thing: that I was out of touch with myself.
Nearly every time I’ve felt this way, one thing always seemed to be true - I hadn’t spent time alone where I wasn’t running through mental to-dos, trying to be productive, or scrolling through my phone.
Put simply, I hadn’t created the space to turn my brain off.
Swimming into mental clarity
I first discovered the impact of creating mental space when I began regularly swimming in university. When I was short on time but wanted to avoid turning into a pile of mush on the wooden library chair I kept warm for the better part of four years, I’d shove in my ear phones, bundle up, and run across the street to descend into the basement of my university’s athletic center where my faithful exam-time companion rested quietly, invisible to most: the swimming pool.
I’d quickly change, strapping on my oh-so-flattering goggles and swimming cap and dive into what became my favourite part of the day: a 30-45 minute uninterrupted swimming sprint where my brain had no choice but to settle into itself and accept the silent solitude, where opportunity for distraction no longer existed.
The exercise not only invigorated me physically, but I began to notice how much better rested and relaxed my mind would feel as I stepped out of the lukewarm pool and into the refreshingly cool air sweeping over my face, flushed with exhaustion and triumph.
This short yet powerful break allowed me to enter into an entirely new world, where the pool changed everything about my physical experience. Swimming signalled to my mind that it could lay back, kick its feet up, and relax. During this protected underwater time, the pressure was off my brain for one hour that day.
This became a routine for me. I’d hit the water and my mind instantly recognized its cue to explore the thoughts I’d been suppressing through my stressed out study sessions or busy day. When I pulled my arm back for that first stroke, I was in the pool for the remainder of my swim, and there was no escaping my thoughts. I had no choice but to confront them.
This gave me the time and permission to work through what was on my mind - no pressure, no rush. It gave my mind the space to evaluate my problems and how I could solve them. It allowed me to acknowledge how I was feeling, and not shove my thoughts down in order to finish the chapter I was studying or the task I was racing to complete.
Swimming became my unadulterated, unbounded thinking time.
Swimming became my mental space. Mental space I so desperately needed amidst the whirlwind of priorities and schedules I was juggling constantly, up above the basement floor of the athletic center.
The pool became my sanctuary to unpack what was weighing on me, and it ultimately became integral to staying on top of my mind and mental order.
And then, as good habits tend to do when environments or circumstances change, the routine would slip away. I would go too long without creating the mental space I needed to clean up my mind and check in on myself.
And then I’d stumble into that familiar basement in the athletic center during a free hour and the pool was like an oasis for my parched mind, quenching the thirst for self knowledge that had been looming behind my other priorities.
Recalibrating
When the pandemic hit, I needed to adjust my routine. I began going on walks outside, clearing my mind with the fresh air and meditative movement of putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes I’d listen to a podcast or book, or call a friend, but lots of times I’d just stroll along and work through my thoughts, using the mental space created by physical movement to clean up the mess of an over crowded mind.
These walks became a core tenant of my day, and I felt lost on days I let them slip through the cracks.
And then it got cold and I needed something new.
So I would use a treadmill or a stationary bike and ignore my phone as I pushed myself to the critical point where physical exertion met mental quiet. Sometimes, I’d have so many thoughts and realizations I’d need to pull my phone out to put them into words and make sure I could revisit them later.
But recently, I’d been separated from a pool, a warm enough walk, or a cardio machine.
And like clockwork, I noticed my mind was feeling rather cluttered.
Unusually cluttered.
The mental disorder started to weigh on me. So, after work one day, feeling stiff from my rather unusual seating position that anyone with even a slight sense of good posture would advise me to change (but the stubbornness in me won’t listen), I got up and sent my arms over head, taking a deep breath in.
It felt good.
I put in my ear phones and then spent the next 30 minutes stretching in the dark to calming music. I closed my eyes and let my body feel through the stretches and stiffness it needed to resolve. I rolled over after my last breath in savasana and thought: wow, I feel a lot like I did when I’d go for a swim during exams.
Something about the mix of darkness, peaceful music, and activating my body in a way it had clearly been craving sent me once again into the mental void I had come to know and love through swimming, then walking, then cycling, and now stretching.
My brain, for the first time in a while, got to clean itself up.
I got to clear out the mental junk from the day and tie up a few loose ends that had been dangling at the top of my psyche for a while. One of them being this idea that I’m writing about now: **that movement creates the mental space we need to clean up our minds. ** So here I was, huddled over in the dark on my yoga mat, writing about this idea after a long, mind-cleaning stretching session, when it occurred to me that no matter what’s going on in our lives, our minds will always accumulate mental clutter. It’s something we can absolutely count on. Another thing we can count on is that movement often lets us confront mental clutter in a way we simply don’t do when we’re staring at our phones, writing emails, or even catching up with a friend.
We need alone time to stay on top of our own minds.
But alone time for the sake of alone time can feel unusual, unnecessary, daunting even! But movement? Exercise? We can all get on board with that being good for us.
Well, perhaps it’s good for us in more ways than just one. And that additional benefit is the space it creates for us to clean up our mental space.
As with any other space, if you allow nature to take its course, entropy always wins. The space will always trend toward disorder. Our minds are not self-cleaning and there’s no robot you can send to vacuum up there either. It needs to be us. It needs to come from us. We need to do the work of clearing out our mental space and keeping ourselves in good order.
After years of journalling and actively making note of how I’m doing, the correlation between regular exercise (or simply alone time accompanied by some form of movement) and mental clarity is undeniable.
Those endorphins do more than just give us a physical high, they give us the opportunity to take care of our minds.
So this week if you have a minute, try to think about your preferred form of meditative movement (think: running, biking, swimming, walking, stretching, climbing, really any cardio or repetitive form of movement).
And then do it just once this week for 30+ mins and see how you feel after. Make an active effort to use the space you create with that movement to explore anything that’s been on your mind for a while.
See what you can learn from your mind, when you’re alone, moving, in the absence of distractions. You might just stumble upon a realization that’s been hiding at the back of your psyche, dormant for some time.
It is often during these periods of true mental space that feelings of unease resolve themselves.