do you believe in coincidence?
I have wrestled back and forth with my answer to this question for awhile. Is it possible that some of us are just luckier than others? We all probably know a few people that seem to stumble into extraordinary opportunities frequently, meet fascinating people and always have phenomenal stories to share. Are these people just luckier than the average human or are they doing something differently… Something simple, something we could all be doing to manufacture our own luck? The simple answer: yes.
how to create your own luck: crack people’s shells
The way I see it, everyone has a shell – a defensive armour we use to protect ourselves from judgement, discomfort and to keep us as far away from vulnerability as possible. When you crack someone’s shell, you expose the hidden yolk in each person – their passions, their raw personality and their authentic nature. The best way to engage with the world, tap into gold mines of knowledge, insight, human connection and authenticity is to start cracking people’s shells. The easiest way to crack these shells is to shatter your own and enter a conversation in an open, authentic state. We have the power to choose how we interact with people. We get to decide if we want every interaction to be surface level, virtually mindless and non-fruitful or if we want to create stimulating conversations igniting curiosity and creativity. People naturally gravitate to those who are self-actualized, raw and unafraid to expose their genuine personality. By being willing to engage with others and share your own yolk, you welcome others to do the same. This shell cracking has happened to all of us before – if you have ever met someone that you instantly clicked with, you may have noticed that the conversation flows effortlessly and soon enough you are both enthralled in a captivating discussion about your mutual interests and passions. Both of your shells have been cracked, and the friction experienced in most interactions, often fuelled by fear of judgement and natural human timidity – has simply disappeared. The conversations you have with people you share this type of relationship with – shell-less and focused on engagement instead of external perception – are vastly elevated from those you have when your shell is intact and hesitation is governing the interaction.
how to start cracking people’s shells: engage with everyone
I recently decided that when I have even a spark of curiosity about someone, I will get up and talk to them. I have made the decision to not only interact, but to engage with the people around me. Through this simple shift – going from mindless interaction to intentional engagement – I’ve developed rewarding friendships and stumbled into an exorbitant amount of insight, perspective and enjoyment I could have never predicted. Cracking shells is the fast-track to knowledge. You extract the most fascinating, engaging and valuable fragments of people’s passions without doing any work to discover them yourself – all you have to do is ask and then listen. Once someone lights up about something, their shell has chipped. Exploit that fracture and use it to peel back what remains of their mental armour to foster an engaging conversation without any fear of vulnerability. Through cracking people’s shells, I’ve had someone open up to me about a near-death experience only twenty minutes into a conversation, I’ve received books from individuals passionate about sharing their knowledge with me, I’ve become great friends with a woman 50 years older than me who shares her insights from the books she reads and the art she is passionate about, I’ve learned about the intricacies of the mining industry in South America, and I’ve stumbled into countless other unique and unexpected experiences which have enhanced my life.
Most notably, I recently met someone who shared my passion for the self-development space with a focus on mindfulness and intention. It was immediately clear we consumed much of the same content – books, podcasts, etc. Upon discovering we were both users of the Five Minute Journal, “the journal for non-journallers” – a tool used to implement daily gratitude and reflection into our fast-paced lives – she offered to set up an introductory call between myself and the creators of this product.
A few months before this, I had made a list of a few companies I could see myself working for – and guess which company was at the top of that list?
intelligent change - creators of the five minute journal
This is now the same company I have an introductory call with and a connection to – all because I decided to start talking to someone I was curious about. A note I made this past summer about companies I would one day want to work for – Intelligent Change was sitting at the top of my list. Each one of these unique scenarios has simply been a result of a willingness to engage with those around me. Diving into a conversation despite our instinctive nature to lean away from discomfort fosters unique relationships and a shocking amount of what some would deem luck, but what I deem as the Boomerang Effect. The Boomerang Effect: We get what we put out. If you jump into a conversation with no barriers, shell cracked wide open, willing to share your authenticity with others, you make it easier for them to join you. People want to get on that level, they often just don’t know how.
how to shed your own mental shell
Stop thinking about what other people are thinking.
Whatever creative scenario you have conjured up in your mind about how people are perceiving you is fictional. It is not real and there is no evidence that it is true. When we let go of this obsession with external perception and this fear of “coming off too strong” or “being too forward” or “not following the rules”, we develop genuine, dimensional relationships with others, opening doors to conversations and experiences we simply cannot predict. It’s not luck, it’s not coincidence, and it’s not chance. These serendipitous scenarios are at our finger tips – all we have to do is start cracking some shells. You have no idea what you might stumble into.