If there is one thing I have learned this semester which has completely altered my perspective, it’s this: the people and relationships in our lives are absolutely priceless. This may sound like something you’ve heard before or a cliché you’ve subconsciously dismissed, but when you begin prioritizing the people who make your life better, the lens through which you view life changes. Currently, many of us are naturally quite academically focused – it is exam time, and we have a duty; study hard, do well, finish strong.
That’s the only thing we need to do right now, right? Well, maybe not.
I have recently been listening to a few podcasts (you might have noticed I have a thing for podcasts by now) about people who dedicate their lives to helping others in extraordinary ways, making kindness a habit they implement frequently and liberally into their daily routine. By listening to these inspiring stories and learning how most of these individuals turned catastrophic moments (like being paralyzed or diagnosed with stage 4 cancer) into a medium for improving the world by creating organizations to help others, I began reflecting on the scale of the seemingly pressing problems we are experiencing now and the privileges we often forget about. One story which particularly stood out revolved around a former hockey player named Travis Roy. With a full scholarship to Boston University and hopes to make the NHL and US olympic team, Roy crashed head-first into the boards 20 seconds into his first-ever shift on the Boston University men’s ice hockey team and became paralyzed from the neck down – at age 20. Instead of spending time feeling sorry for himself and mourning the loss of his mobility, he created the Travis Roy Foundation to provide adaptive equipment to those with severe spinal cord injuries and funding for research into exploring the possibility of regenerating the spinal cord to cure these injuries (you can listen to his story here).
Stories like that of Travis Roy are a testament to the importance of taking a moment to pause, look around and appreciate what we have without the need for a life-altering catastrophe to shed light on what matters. While most of us may not be jumping into starting a foundation at this very moment, that is also not the only way to improve the world. People underestimate the power of local improvement – not just geographically, but also within the circle of people you’re surrounded by daily. I truly believe that you attract what you put out, and when you take the time to be kind to others, to lift someone up, to care for a friend in a challenging time – even if you are struggling yourself – that decision to help someone else will always be worth it. The kindness you exhibit by helping someone when they genuinely need a friend resonates and its impacts last far beyond the results of the exam you are stressing over or the seemingly urgent work you need to be doing.
do not confuse the urgent with the important
Your urgent responsibilities (like studying or working) are still important, but do not let them override the important things which may never appear urgent until we grow up and realize they were what really mattered the whole time (like relationships and human connection). We can make the choice – without being struck by a tragic moment, like being diagnosed with cancer, being paralyzed or losing someone we love – to realize that life is a gift and each day can be made incrementally better by engaging with those around us and being generous with our time and energy. The time we spend with certain people in our lives is fleeting – people move on, leave school, proceed to their next chapter and our opportunity to enjoy our time with them could slip through our fingers before we know it. You may not see how valuable this time is until it is no longer available to you. But here is your reminder: The value we derive from laying the foundation for long-lasting, monumental relationships in a period of our lives where it is absurdly convenient to be around individuals who make us happy – is simply priceless.
should i be studying now instead of writing this?
Probably, but I have also developed the ability to zoom out far enough to see that taking the time to put this out there and share it with someone who might need to hear it could have a far greater impact than an extra 3 hours of practicing my ability to execute electrical circuit analysis (exciting stuff, I know). In the end, the work that needs to get done will get done, but sometimes we need a healthy dose of perspective to shift our state of mind, and return to our studies refreshed instead of burnt out. There is so much privilege each of us are blessed with every day which we walk around almost entirely oblivious to; mobility, health, education, supportive families, having a room to ourselves, a bed to sleep in, fresh food at our disposal, and many more (too many to list, in fact). One of the greatest privileges we have right now – which is so easy to miss if you don’t open your eyes to it – is the incredible people we’re surrounded by who have entered our lives and made our days better. It’s easy to forget that these relationships are the bulk of what makes this time in our life so unique and memorable. Ultimately, focusing on school does not have to prevent us from maintaining our relationships and showing appreciation for those around us. A friend of mine was recently feeling a tad stressed about an upcoming exam so I reminded her of this:
The outcome of a single exam has virtually no impact on the direction our needle will be pointing in in the grand scheme of life. We are going to walk out of exams with the same friends, family, healthy bodies, privileged lives that we walked in with, and that perspective is incredibly important to remember as things pick up and get stressful. A few days later, I returned to the spot I was studying in the library to find this:
My friend had taken the time and effort to construct a literal gift basket to show her appreciation for what I had done for her in that stressful time. I was floored by this gesture (it largely inspired this post), and decided to pay it forward by distributing the Reese’s peanut butter cups to a few friends and other students in the library to extend the impact of her kindness (did someone say ripple effect?). I know it might not be everyone’s natural instinct to go out of their way to write a card and gather adorable items into a gift basket to let a friend know you appreciate them, but we’re all capable of sending a text, calling someone that is special to us or doing something random for virtually anyone to let them know they are appreciated. These things matter – whether we see it right now or not, and one day we will look back and realize that the most impactful aspects of these formative years are the joy we derived from the enriching friendships we chose to nurture.
As with anything in life, the more effort you put in, the more value you will get out.
My ask of you is this:
Take a few moments now (right now) to let someone know that you are genuinely thankful that they exist in your life. We often perceive it as infeasible to maintain long distance friendships or be in touch with people during exams, but sometimes all it takes is 30 seconds to brighten someone’s day – and in turn, yours as well. I think we can all afford taking that 0.00035% of our day (I did the math) to strengthen – or regenerate! – a friendship that will last far beyond this next week, two weeks or even two years down the line. In a couple months, the outcomes of our exams will be a faded memory, but the relationships we invest in will remain relevant and present in our lives. As we get older, we will look back and be thankful that we occasionally chose to nurture the important things over the urgent things. That distinction is crucial; urgency does not equate to importance. We must constantly remind ourselves of the value of perspective in a time where it seems like everything is riding on how many hours of focused work we put in. Slow down, take a second to look up and appreciate how lucky we are to even have to worry about exams (which is merely a consequence of the privilege it is to be getting an education in a comfortable, safe environment) and think about the people that have made this year so unique. You don’t need to wait till the “end of a chapter” to take a brief moment to reflect and realize how incredibly privileged we are to be here, and to have people around us that we can count on and look up to. Small investments of appreciation and kindness, like anything else, compound into creating large impacts. Make an investment now to lay the foundation for a future you will be happy to have created. And remember: kindness ripples. Start the wave.