Do what scares you
If you have ever made a purchase at Lululemon or seen one of their bags with a bunch of inspirational phrases on them (right up my alley Lulu, I approve) you might have seen the phrase:
“Do one thing a day that scares you.”
It’s a nice idea – challenge yourself, fight fear, try something new. But until recently, I did not realize how important this phrase truly is. We are naturally inclined to do the things that we are good at. We like dominating at something, or even just being comfortable with our ability in that endeavor. Whether that be in sports, school, singing, dancing, talking to people, writing, drawing, cooking, interviewing for a position, whatever it is, we are more likely to do it if we feel confident in our ability, especially when other people are around. Think about it; if you are surrounded by a huge group of people and you have to do something you are really not good at or familiar with, you are likely to feel a bit of anxiety or stress surrounding that task.
That little pit in your stomach or sense of unrest is most commonly known as fear.
It’s scary to dive head first into something we know we are going to suck at right off the bat. It truly is, because when we feel like our skill level is below everyone around us, we are not only worried about trying to keep up, but we are also worried about how everyone is perceiving us.
I was most recently faced with a bit of a scary decision when I decided to commit to joining an intramural volleyball team with my housemates and friends who all had some pretty decent volleyball experience, while the scope of my volleyball career extended to grade 5 gym class. I had been wanting to do intramurals for awhile though, and I thought I could handle myself, and didn’t think the skill level across the teams would vastly exceed my capabilities.
However, I was wrong.
It is very important to understand just how bad I am at volleyball to truly appreciate this post. I would directly attribute at least 65% of all lost points on my team to myself, if not more. It was immediately evident that the team was going to be making up for my lack of volleyball skills throughout the season should I continue to play. That being said, my team was amazing and all encouraged me to play despite my complete incompetence in the game.
The decision does not seem like it would be that significant in the grand scheme of things; just going out and playing on a team of players that are all better than you, but the actual decision to put yourself in that situation consistently is not as easy as one would think. You are literally signing yourself up to pretty much embarrass yourself for one hour every week, when you could easily just sit at home or stay in the library and avoid the situation. However, what I have come to realize is that when we find something that is a true mental challenge, that genuinely makes us nervous, scared, uncomfortable, even a little anxious, that is when it is most important to say yes to that thing.
Anyone who is close to me knows that I have declared this year as the “Year of Yes.” The year of saying yes to things, especially the things we have a natural inclination to say no to, which actually come up a lot more than we think. If we are only thinking about saying yes to the things we are good at, we will never be challenged and we are never going to grow.
It is very difficult to be a well-rounded person when all we are focused on is becoming really good at the few things we are already good at. That is not a challenge. The challenge lies in taking on something you know you are going to struggle with at the beginning, and watching yourself go through the growing pains to get to a point where you are no longer scared to take part in that activity. Conquering that mental challenge, rising above the fear and making the decision to try something new that can be uncomfortable temporarily has profound positive impacts on us, which extend far beyond the improvement in just that skill.
Additionally, it is important not to underestimate the good that can come from doing the things that scare us. Firstly, by putting ourselves in a situation where we are at a lower level than everyone else at something, we step into the perfect set of circumstances to get better; a group of people who know more than us and can help us improve. Compare that to choosing to remain stagnant by focusing on something we are already strong at and avoiding being pushed by people that are better than us, and it is pretty clear which one is going to have more benefits.
“Every expert was once a beginner.”
Mark Zuckerberg has said that he makes a point to hire people that are better than him; people that compensate for his weaknesses, but also teach him to improve upon them. It takes a degree of self-confidence to surround ourselves with people that are better than us in some way. However, once we do, it will become evident how enriching and motivating it is to be striving to keep up with the people around us rather than feeling like we have to hold back.
For example, after my volleyball game the other day, when everyone went home after the game, I decided to stay and work on my serve; the one thing I had complete control over and did not require someone to practice with to get better at. So, I stayed around, practiced serving, and soon enough the girl who refereed our game hopped on the court and started rolling the ball back to me, then she started giving me advice on how to make my serve more consistent and soon enough we were rallying over the net and she was telling me how she was on the Queen’s volleyball team while I was explaining that volleyball was very much not my sport. I told her how I ended up on the team and that I wanted to play even though I was clearly at a different skill level because I wanted to get better. She really appreciated that I was doing something that I was clearly not that great at, which inspired her to help me out and stick around to coach me a bit.
I was so inspired by her random act of kindness to help me, and I realized how much opportunity there is to get better at the things we are scared of if we are just willing to put ourselves in uncomfortable situations. Growth comes from a place of discomfort. People who are good at things started off at the same level as everyone else (for the most part), but were willing to put the effort in to get better, even if that meant a bit of mild embarrassment during the growing pains of getting to a comfortable skill level. Once you get over that speed bump of laying the foundation for a skill, you will grow more comfortable with that pursuit, and it will be much easier to keep up with those around you, allowing you to actually enjoy what you are doing, propelling you past that original discomfort.
“If you always do the uncomfortable thing when faced with a choice, your life is guaranteed to get better over time.”
Yup! When we feel uncomfortable, scared or are naturally inclined to say no to something, that is when we need to question ourselves the most; why do we want to say no? Why does this thing scare us? What is the worst thing that could come from doing it?
Usually, the answer to that last one is pretty much nothing. What is the worst thing to come of trying something we aren’t good at? Someone makes a judgement? You feel embarrassed? You lose? Those are all so insignificant in the big picture and disappear in the shadow of all the good that can come from saying yes.
What will happen if you say yes?
You will get better at something you may have never tried before. You will prove to yourself you can learn new things. The people around you will show you compassion and help you improve. You might inspire someone else to try something new. You will build your mental strength and find yourself saying yes to more opportunities you would have previously shut down. You will build your confidence because you will become more focused on the actual endeavor instead of everyone’s opinions to you, which ultimately do not really matter.
The benefits of putting yourself in a mentally challenging situation tower over any of the negative aspects of it, which are generally just a result of situations we create in our heads. People are not really judging us, and if they are, it really does not have to affect us unless we let it. When we let other people’s opinions control us, we are giving them power. We must take that power away and claim it for ourselves by valuing our own opinions, and then use that power to do things that seem scary at first.
At the end of the day, as scary as it is to put ourselves in situations where we are not likely to succeed right away, it is absolutely imperative to do so in order to grow. Not only in that skill, but also just as people in general. The more familiar you become with acting out of a desire to improve instead of acting out of anxiety or fear, the better your life is going to be. Period.
“Easy choices, hard life. Hard choices, easy life.”
All you have to do is say yes. Try something new. Do something you have always wanted to, but are scared to start.
Your life will get better when you do the things that scare you.